Should I Stay or Should I Go? How Couples Therapy Can Help You Find the Answer

Relationships aren’t easy. No matter how much love you start with, every long-term relationship eventually hits a crossroads. Maybe you’re arguing more than you used to. Maybe the silence between you feels heavier than the words. Maybe you’ve been asking yourself the question that no one wants to say out loud:

Should I stay or shouyld I go?

Should I stay, or should I go?

If you’re sitting with that question, you’re not alone—and you’re not failing. This is one of the most common and painful dilemmas couples face. The good news? You don’t have to figure it out alone. Couples therapy can be a powerful space to gain clarity, whether you’re trying to rebuild connection or decide if it’s time to part ways with compassion.

The Truth About Relationship Doubt

First, let’s normalise the struggle. Every relationship has ups and downs, but when doubt lingers too long, it becomes emotionally exhausting. You might feel:

   •          Torn between love and resentment

   •          Confused about whether problems are fixable

   •          Afraid of making the “wrong” choice

   •          Guilty for even considering leaving

These feelings are valid. And they don’t mean the relationship is doomed. What they do mean is that something needs attention—urgently and honestly.

 What Couples Therapy Isn’t

Couples therapy isn’t about “fixing” your partner. It’s not a courtroom, and it’s not about choosing who’s right or wrong.

It’s also not a guarantee that you’ll stay together. But that’s not the goal.

The real goal is clarity, communication, and conscious decision-making—whatever that decision ends up being.

 How Therapy Helps You Find Your Answer

1.    Creating a Safe Space

A trained therapist provides a neutral ground where both partners can speak openly—often for the first time in a long time—without defensiveness or blame hijacking the conversation.

2.    Understanding Core Issues

Many couples get stuck fighting about surface-level topics (like chores, money, or parenting), when the real issue is unmet emotional needs, trust wounds, or different visions of the future.

3.    Recognising Patterns

Therapy helps couples identify recurring dynamics that sabotage intimacy—like avoidance, criticism, or shutting down—and understand where they come from.

4.    Exploring Possibilities

Through dialogue, reflection, and sometimes individual sessions, therapy helps both partners ask:

• Do we still share core values?

• Are we willing to change?

• Is there enough trust left to rebuild?

• What would leaving actually look like?

5.    Deciding with Integrity

Whether you choose to stay or separate, therapy helps you make that decision intentionally, not impulsively or reactively. It’s about walking away with clarity, not chaos.

When You’re the Only One Willing to Try

What if your partner won’t go to therapy? It happens. But you still have options.

Individual therapy can help you process your own feelings, set boundaries, and decide what you’re willing to tolerate (or not). Sometimes, personal growth in one partner creates a ripple effect. Other times, it clarifies that it’s time to move on.

Either way, you don’t need to wait for someone else to be ready to start seeking truth and peace.

Final Thoughts: There Is No “Right” Answer—Only the Right One for You

No therapist can (or should) tell you whether to stay or go. What they can do is help you listen to yourself—and each other—with more honesty and compassion than you ever have before.

If you’re feeling stuck, lost, or quietly miserable, that’s not something you should have to carry alone. Relationships end every day—but so do bad patterns. Sometimes, with help, couples come back stronger. And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is walk away.

Either path is valid. Either path can be healing. And you don’t have to choose it in the dark.

If this article has raised questions for you or you would like to discuss your relationship issues with an experieced couples therapist, please feel free to get in touch. I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation, or if you would like to make an appointment for either a face to face or online counselling session whichever is convenient.